Vinaigrette

One of my favorite kinds of salad dressing is Vinaigrette. I enjoy the simplicity of olive oil and vinegar. There is something pure about it.

But I also know that if it sits very long the vinegar and oil separate. One settles towards the bottom of the bottle and the other floats to the top. They are two different substances that don't stay together very long if not in motion.

While I like vinaigrette for salad dressing, it can be a challenge in ministering to students when you have a vinaigrette youth group. What do I mean?

There are seasons in the life of a youth group when you have an influx of what some might call "unchurched" students. These are teenagers who have little or no church background. They may have never attended a worship service and are new to the whole "God thing."

Recently, we have experienced this exact situation. I have really enjoyed getting to know some of these students, but it has also been a challenge. It has been a challenge for them, for our existing students, and for some of our adults.

As an aside, I realize some of the people I am talking about might be reading this, so know that I am not trying to talk about you, per se. I am considering the challenges inherent anytime this dynamic occurs.

For the students who are new, there is the challenge of trying to understand this whole Christianity deal. What does it mean? What does it look like? They might ask tough questions like, "What about the teens in this youth group who go to my school, but pretty much act like everyone else?" Or, "Is this God for real?"

Some of them, if we are going to be quite honest, might be coming mostly for the social dynamic, to play some pool, and maybe to check out the members of the opposite sex. But I also believe that all of them - on some level - are looking for acceptance and a place to belong.

This brings us to the students who have been in the youth group. There is this funny thing about a youth group. It tends to be a close group of friends, but it is also a group who has difficulty assimilating new members. This is a phenomenon I have observed at every church I served with. The youth group is a friendly group. It is a loving group. But every group is - to some extent - a closed group.

If you can get in the group and become a part, you will become part of the family. But, if you are shy, different, or otherwise unable to "get in," a youth group can be a place that feels very unaccepting or unloving. Keep in mind that for most students in a youth group, this is not an intentional or malicious attitude. I believe it is part of the experience of adolescence where teenagers are trying to find their identity. In an effort to be a part of a group, students tend to put much more energy into gaining acceptance than offering it.

The last group is often the most perplexing. There always seem to be adults in a church who fear the "community kids." Maybe it's because they don't dress like "church kids." Maybe it's because some of them might smell like cigarette smoke or even alcohol. Maybe it's because they look like those trouble-making teens they have seen on TV or in a movie. Whatever the reason, some adults - again I believe unintentionally and without malice - reject these students based on their appearance. Unfortunately, this can add to the sense of unacceptance that these teens feel because they are "vinegar" trying to mix with "oil."

So what do we do?

I don't think there is an easy answer. But I do believe there are things we can do. While I don't begin to believe this is an exhaustive list, here are some of the actions that I believe will aid in creating a "vinaigrette" youth group. (I will confess here, that I have not been as diligent as I would have liked in instituting some of these.):

First, we must educate and encourage existing students to reach out to those who are new. While it may be easy to talk about it, bringing the theory to life can be a challenge. Students like their youth group and don't usually want things to change. In addition, some of the newer students may be from clans at school that they don't relate well to or even oppose. However, this is a golden opportunity to experience the fact that the Kingdom of God trumps any "kingdom" of this world. Accepting those you don't normally accept - and even your "enemies" - is central to the gospel message of Kingdom living.

In addition - and probably before anything else - we as youth workers must model acceptance for our students. If we want to create a welcoming environment, we must take action ourselves. We should be the first ones to offer an open hand. We should make a concerted effort to talk to newcomers. The students who have been in our ministry for a long time must know they are valued, but they also must see our lives testify to the fact that all are welcome. This may even require us to "encourage" students to make the effort to welcome those who are new.

Another action that I believe is vital is to balance teaching that both stretches the student who has been part of a church their whole life and makes the Word of God accessible to the teenager who may not even know where the book of Matthew is in the Bible. This is no easy task. It requires hard work, prayer, and patience. While not every lesson will reach every level of learner, we must be careful and diligent to communicate on various levels.

One final part of the puzzle that I will mention here is serving. When students on various places in their faith journey serve together, walls come down and bridges are built. I have watched teenagers who had strong dislike for one another serve together on a mission trip and return home as good friends. However, this can be a difficult thing when you have community teenagers who are just checking things out. They are often not ready to commit to serving opportunities. I can say that in situations where new students have engaged in serving, it has helped them connect with some members of the group.

As I said earlier, these are not panaceas that will fix everything, but they are potential parts of a solution to an often challenging situation. Obviously, every church is different, every youth group is different, and every student is different. But as we seek to reach out to students who are hurting, lost, confused, and lonely, we must be willing to shake things up a bit so that "vinegar" and "oil" can come together to create a vinaigrette that brings more flavor to the world of our teens.

shine!
Jason