Tears at the bar

Sometimes it's weird how theory meets reality.

Last night at small groups we talked about "Issues for Girls." Our conversation centered around some of the struggles and weaknesses that girls face in dating and relationships. One of the points we discussed was that sometimes girls will think things like, "If I don't do what he wants to do then he might leave me." I have seen many girls compromise their morals or remain in a relationship they really didn't want to be in because of thoughts like this.

What's funny is that as I talk about some of this stuff (as I have been over the last several weeks on Sunday nights), I generally get one of two reactions. One is, "Whatever, Jason." This one is usually followed by anger, smart remarks, or general disdain. The other reaction I often get is this "deer in the headlights" look from students who have not been there yet. Occassionally (and usually from a student who has more experience in this area than she wishes), I hear that what I am saying makes sense. In a few cases I might even hear, "You're right."

Anyway, after last night's session, I stopped at Chili's to grab a salad for Michelle and I to share. (Side note: Have you ever noticed how much cheaper it is to eat when you are trying to lose weight? We spent less at Chili's last night than I usually spend at McDonalds.)

So after I ordered my food, I went to the bar to watch the Piston's game while I waited. Two seats down was a girl who I am guessing was in her late 20's or early 30's. Somehow we got into a conversation about the Piston's game. She was friendly and smiling. We didn't share many words, but her overall countenance was positive. I noticed the drink at the spot between my seat and hers, so figured she was there with someone.

After we both went back to watching the game, the bartender, another woman who was obviously her friend, began talking to her. I wasn't eavsdropping, but I was sitting close enough that I happened to hear a few words that they shared. It seemed like they were talking about a guy that one of them was dating.

Less than a minute after their brief dialogue, a guy comes and sits down in the chair between the girl and me. Suddenly, her whole appearance seemed to change. The smile that she had on her face had gone away. The guy, whose back was to me, must have been giving her some kind of look. The bartender friend walked up at that point and tried to make a joke to break the apparent tension between these two.

I was still waiting for my food, wondering why it seemed to be taking so long.

I kept watching the game, but occassionally glanced at the young woman, since I had to look over her to see the TV. It was a minute later that I saw her wiping small tears from her eyes and the guy she was with appeared to be staring blankly at the same TV I was.

Then everything I had talked about earlier started coming back to mind. What feeling caused this girl to stay in this relationship? What lie might be keeping her from leaving this guy? Was she being abused? Was she selling herself short? Was she willing to settle?

I have to be honest. My pastoral side kicked in about this time and I just wanted to ask if everything was OK. But I knew this was not the time or place for something like that.

It was just a minute later that my food was ready and I left the restaurant. I looked back one last time and watched the woman wipe another tear away from her eye.

Then I wondered...what teenager that I had spoken to earlier that night will be sitting somewhere on some night in the future with someone less than she deserves or that treats her like less than she is?

shine!
Jason