Family Values?

Family values has been a buzz word in recent elections. Politicians parade around proclaiming they support family values. But is it really about family values? And what are family values anyway?

When many people think of family values, they think back to the Cleavers. They were one of the "model" families on television. Dad. Mom. Two kids. The picture perfect family. But is that God's definition of family values?

I would argue that God's understanding of family and family values is not the same as 20th Century America.

Before you run off screaming into the night, keep reading. I am not discounting the value of this type of family. But evangelical churches have become so enamored with this model, that they may be doing more harm than good.

While I believe a healthy nuclear family can be a great place for spiritual development, a "healthy" nuclear family is not the answer to the world's problems either. Isn't it ironic that the more we have focused on "traditional family values," the more segmented we have become?

The answer is not to force people into a certain model. Are we saying that a single mom working over forty hours a week to support her and her children is not a family? Do we tell someone who has chosen to stay single that they don't have a place at the table?

Imagine how Jesus would have been treated by our culture. He would have had a hard time being hired as a minister, especially a youth or children's minister. Who wants a 30-year-old single male working with our kids? Why isn't he married? What's his deal?

Is our emphasis on "family values" actually devaluing many families? In our efforts to make our cultures model the biblical model, are we missing the point of what God intended family to be? Think about a few of the things Jesus had to say about families...

Luke 14:25-27
A large crowd was following Jesus. He turned around and said to them, "If you want to be my disciple, you must hate everyone else by comparison—your father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple. And if you do not carry your own cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple."

Luke 12:49-53
"I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning! I have a terrible baptism of suffering ahead of me, and I am under a heavy burden until it is accomplished. Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.
   'Father will be divided against son
      and son against father;
   mother against daughter
      and daughter against mother;
   and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law
      and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.'"

Matthew 12:46-50
As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. Someone told Jesus, "Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they want to speak to you."
Jesus asked, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!"

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You may find it ironic that a "Minister to Families with Youth" would quote these passages. I would argue that the worship of "traditional family values" can often be destructive to the family of God. It can cause us to look down on families in different situations. It can pressure singles to get married so that they are more "valuable." It can make single parents feel like they are not real families. And isn't that the exact opposite of what Jesus was trying to accomplish?

Jesus envisions family as more than a blood-line. Family is a gathering of people who care for each other. Family is a group of people gathered together to worship God, serve one another, and spread the kingdom of God.

Some may argue this would diminish the importance of things like marriage. I would disagree. If we are serious about what God is calling us to, it would improve marriages. People would be more serious about their commitments.

It would also give equal value to everyone in the family of God. The single mom would be just as valued as the "complete" family. As a matter of fact, this view of family would encourage (I would argue it demands) other men to be involved in the life of this woman and her children.

Throughout the Bible, God calls on His people to defend the widows and the fatherless. He is not asking us to send a little money to these categories of people. He is calling us to open our lives and welcome them in.

Unfortunately, our culture has trained us that family is a place where a group of people gather for shelter. We go out into the world, each individual engaged in his or her separate life, then we periodically check in. Not every family falls into this trap, but many do to some extent.

Imagine a world where instead of families spreading themselves thin in the desire to fill their calendars with 101 activities, families opened their doors and welcomed in the lonely, forgotten people of our society.

Imagine a world where the single mom and her 3-year-old ate dinner several nights a week with another family in the church instead of crying in frustration.

Imagine a world where the widow had coffee several times a week with a few ladies instead of sitting at home alone watching TV...again.

Imagine a world where the young adult had a family to go to in his time of need, instead of going to the bar to drink away his loneliness.

This is the world that I believe God imagines. And this is the world where family is not always traditional and the boundaries we have created are torn down so that everyone is welcome. Wouldn't it be great to be in this world?

shine!
Jason