Permission to question

I love working with teenagers. I guess that is why I do what I do.

I love the questions they ask. They wrestle with faith. They question God. They address issues that many adults either are afraid to or don't know how to.

I love the fact that they don't think they have all the answers.

But these years can be a struggle for adults, especially parents.

As a parent of a six-year-old, I am beginning to understand the investment parents make in their children. I think about the hours I spend reading the Bible with Matthew. I reflect on our prayers in his bedroom, around the kitchen table, and at various other times. I smile when I remember the theological discussions we have had about God, death, and so much more.

I can imagine the frustration a parent must feel when this child in whom they have invested over a decade begins to seemly reject all of the effort that has been put forth. I have witnessed the anger and sorrow of parents who feel like their children are walking away from the faith that has been taught and lived out around them.

My message to parents is to give your teenagers some space to sort out things for themselves. I am learning that the surest way to push your kids away from Jesus is to insist they never question what you believe. Do you want your teenagers to reject God? Then reject their questions, doubts, and faith struggles.

This can be so hard. But until teenagers have the freedom to take your faith, wrestle with it, and come up with their own faith, they will not develop into mature followers of Jesus.

Let me address a practical issue that seems to often come up when I am having this discussion with someone. This does not mean that there are no boundaries and guidelines. Wrestling with faith is not a license for a teenager to do whatever he or she wants. Questioning God's guidelines on sex is not an open invitation to experiment sexually. Doubts about whether or not God exists does not give a teenager permission to be disrespectful about your faith or church.

I don't believe there is one right way to navigate this rocky stretch of road in the spiritual formation process. Every teenager is different. Every parent is different. Every journey is unique.

However, if we want our young people to become healthy, mature followers of Jesus, we must afford them a safe space in which to ask questions, share their fears, and think out loud about matters of faith in God. This is not the easy route, but it is the one that is best. And isn't that what we want for our children in the end?

shine!
Jason