No stones

This fall I am taking this incredible graduate class about ministering to families in the local church. Our professor, Rubel Shelly, has brought in several guest teachers to tackle certain subjects. Last night, we were blessed to sit at the feet of Marnie Ferree. Marnie has an incredible story of being rescued from sexual addiction. Her book, No Stones, is a powerful testimony to the grace and mercy of God and the healing He can provide.

It was amazing to hear God speak through Marnie. She spoke with authority, authenticity, and compassion.

One of the comments she made continues to stick with me. She said, "Sexual addiction in not really about sex; it's an intimacy disorder. All addictions are intimacy disorders."

In essence, all addictions, whether it's sex, alcohol, drugs, eating, shopping, gambling, performance - you name it - result from a deficiency in intimacy. They all stem from a lack of what God intended for us to enjoy - having real, significant relationships with others.

Most - I would argue all - of us suffer, at some level, from a deficiency in intimacy. Not all of us are addicted to something, but all of us are potential addicts. No one is ever completely safe.

I am not trying to be an alarmist, but God warned us about this through the words of the apostle Peter. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8) Destroying intimacy has always been Satan's favorite tool. He used it in the Garden to taint Adam and Eve's relationship with each other and with God. He has been doing it ever since in relationships all over the world.

What is so unfortunate is that often Satan destroys intimacy through the actions of others, injuring us often before we even realized what happened. Whether it is sexual abuse at a young age, verbal or physical abuse from a parent, the loss of a loved one, divorce, abandonment, or a host of other negative situations, many of us have been hurt in ways that significantly reduce our ability to have healthy, intimate relationships. Satan will even use our pain against us in an effort to lead us down the road to addiction.

However, there is hope and healing available. When we are willing to be real with people and let them into our lives we can find relief. Whether it's sharing with others the trauma you never talked about, or seeking help for the addiction you live with every day, becoming vulnerable in community can bring healing. Isn't it ironic that we often react to an intimacy disorder by shutting down and becoming even less intimate? Rather, God would hope for us to find healing for intimacy deficiency by seeking intimacy.

This is often not easy and requires real risk. But it is a risk worth taking. Some people have spent most of their lives in a lonely world, seeking so many other ways to diminish the pain and fill the void that loneliness has created. God offers a simple, but often challenging, way out.

Thank you, Marnie, for being a brave warrior in the battle against Satan and his tools. In my own journey I have experienced my fair share of issues that have affected my ability to have intimate relationships with others. Last night, God brought a word of healing and hope that guided me further along the journey of redemption. Let Him do the same for you. Even if you aren't dealing with sexual addiction in your life or the life of someone close to you, I believe Marnie's book would be a blessing to you. It has been to me.

shine!
Jason