No stones

This fall I am taking this incredible graduate class about ministering to families in the local church. Our professor, Rubel Shelly, has brought in several guest teachers to tackle certain subjects. Last night, we were blessed to sit at the feet of Marnie Ferree. Marnie has an incredible story of being rescued from sexual addiction. Her book, No Stones, is a powerful testimony to the grace and mercy of God and the healing He can provide.

It was amazing to hear God speak through Marnie. She spoke with authority, authenticity, and compassion.

One of the comments she made continues to stick with me. She said, "Sexual addiction in not really about sex; it's an intimacy disorder. All addictions are intimacy disorders."

In essence, all addictions, whether it's sex, alcohol, drugs, eating, shopping, gambling, performance - you name it - result from a deficiency in intimacy. They all stem from a lack of what God intended for us to enjoy - having real, significant relationships with others.

Most - I would argue all - of us suffer, at some level, from a deficiency in intimacy. Not all of us are addicted to something, but all of us are potential addicts. No one is ever completely safe.

I am not trying to be an alarmist, but God warned us about this through the words of the apostle Peter. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8) Destroying intimacy has always been Satan's favorite tool. He used it in the Garden to taint Adam and Eve's relationship with each other and with God. He has been doing it ever since in relationships all over the world.

What is so unfortunate is that often Satan destroys intimacy through the actions of others, injuring us often before we even realized what happened. Whether it is sexual abuse at a young age, verbal or physical abuse from a parent, the loss of a loved one, divorce, abandonment, or a host of other negative situations, many of us have been hurt in ways that significantly reduce our ability to have healthy, intimate relationships. Satan will even use our pain against us in an effort to lead us down the road to addiction.

However, there is hope and healing available. When we are willing to be real with people and let them into our lives we can find relief. Whether it's sharing with others the trauma you never talked about, or seeking help for the addiction you live with every day, becoming vulnerable in community can bring healing. Isn't it ironic that we often react to an intimacy disorder by shutting down and becoming even less intimate? Rather, God would hope for us to find healing for intimacy deficiency by seeking intimacy.

This is often not easy and requires real risk. But it is a risk worth taking. Some people have spent most of their lives in a lonely world, seeking so many other ways to diminish the pain and fill the void that loneliness has created. God offers a simple, but often challenging, way out.

Thank you, Marnie, for being a brave warrior in the battle against Satan and his tools. In my own journey I have experienced my fair share of issues that have affected my ability to have intimate relationships with others. Last night, God brought a word of healing and hope that guided me further along the journey of redemption. Let Him do the same for you. Even if you aren't dealing with sexual addiction in your life or the life of someone close to you, I believe Marnie's book would be a blessing to you. It has been to me.

shine!
Jason

Orphans of God

This weekend I was blessed with a visit by some dear friends from Belpre (the last church I served with). A group of six women were here from Belpre for the Rochester Ladies Day. My family and I spent Friday night taking them to Yates Cider Mill and enjoying dinner at the church building with a group of ladies. Saturday was the Ladies Day (which I was not at, for the record) and then a trip out to the DuBaere's for our Harvest Party.

Probably the biggest blessing of the weekend for me was Sunday morning. Jen Wright, one of the ladies that came down, taught our teen class. Jen is currently serving as a missionary in Santa Ana, a city in Honduras. She and another friend, Karen Vaughan, run a children's home called Casa de Esperanza (House of Hope). They are truly servants of the King!

During the class, Jen shared her life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. She encouraged and challenged our students to do three things.

Find a mentor.

Find a mission.

Move!

The Holy Spirit was obviously moving through Jen as she shared her testimony about how God has worked in her life. She talked about the way she wasted her teenage years. She discussed the ways that God continued to pursue her.

During her presentation, we watched a brief video about Casa and three of the ladies sang a special song, "Orphans of God," for us. Here are the lyrics:

Who here among us has not been broken
Who here among us is without guilt or pain
So oft? abandoned by our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God

Come ye unwanted and find affection
Come all ye weary, come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy, you are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

O blessed Father, look down upon us
We are Your children, we need Your love
We run before Your throne of mercy
And seek Your face to rise above

It was a powerful morning and God was present in a very tangible and special way. At the end of her talk, Jen prayed over our students. Then we surrounded Jen and the other women and prayed over them. It was one of the most powerful classes I have even been a part of in my many years of ministry.

Thank you to Jen for her dedication and her passion for God. There is a link to her blog on my Blogroll. There is also a link to Karen's blog there. Please pray for my special friends and their ministry. Please visit Casa's website at http://cdehonduras.org/. If you are looking for an overseas mission to support, check them out. What a great opportunity to live out the words of the book of James. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. (James 1:27)

shine!
Jason

Whose money is it?

Stewardship. The mere mention of the word sends some people running away screaming.

Dictionary.com shows this as the primary definition of stewardship: "a person who manages another's property or financial affairs; one who administers anything as the agent of another or others."

So stewardship is not really about giving. It’s about managing the resources God has blessed us with. If you really think about it that way, it changes your attitude.

It’s not really about deciding how much of MY time, money, or energy I am going to give to God. It’s about how well I am using the time, money, and energy God is allowing me to have.

When we look at our money, our time, our possessions, and our lives as belonging to God, it changes the way we use them. No longer are we trying to decide how much of "our stuff" will we give to God. We are deciding how much of our gifts from God are we going to give to ourselves.

As you think about what you have, remember that God created it all for us to enjoy and use. But I don’t think He ever intended for us to only serve ourselves.

When we are stewards of what God has blessed us with we should be seeking ways to use our time, possessions, and energy to improve the lives of others and bring the Kingdom of God to life in our world.

 

shine!
Jason

God is not great?

Recently I was at the library and saw a book sitting on the display rack that caught my attention. The title of the book was "God is Not Great: How religion poisons everything." I was drawn to this book and wanted to get to know the man who would write such a book.

At this point I am about 20% through the book. One of the things I want to thank the author for is starting the book by sharing some of the issues that shaped him and made him bitter towards God. I am not sure if that is exactly how he intended for that part of the book to be interpreted.

While I do not remotely agree with his title (although the subtitle does have some truth), the author makes some valid points. Organized religion has been the source of some pain and mistreatment of human beings throughout history. For some reason, as he spends page after page condemning Christians, Muslims, Jews, and more for "sins" (although he and I would differ on the meaning of the word) such as the Crusades and the current clergy scandals, he fails to mention the many acts of charity including hospitals and relief efforts.

To be fair, he may get to this later, but I doubt it. This seems to be a man who is bitter about certain aspects of his life and wants to take it out on God, those who chose to follow Him, and anyone else who claims some religion.

I will concede to him on one point. Religion can poison things. As a matter of fact, religion can poison our relationship with God. We must be careful not to get to so wrapped up in how we worship and approach God that we miss the God we are seeking in the first place.

shine!
Jason

What's up with my family?

This is my first attempt at this, so I am not sure how it will work. Last night was the first week of a six-part teaching series called "God, Are You There?" This week, we are considering how teenagers can better deal with their siblings and parents and what advice God has for conflict at home.

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Seasons

Fall has arrived in Michigan. After dealing with shorts in late October, I awoke this morning to the reality that fall does exist and it has come to my town. It is currently 48 degrees outside with cold rain falling from the sky.

I have no control over the weather. I couldn't push a button and change the temperature. I wasn't able to turn off the valve that releases rain. I simply had to dress warmer and move quickly from my car to the church building. I would imagine most of us would think it was silly if someone said they were going to control the weather.

But why is it so many of us want to control the seasons in our lives? When things happen to us we tend to try to change our environment. Have you ever said any of the following?

"If only my parents would change."

"If only my children would change."

"If only my spouse would change."

"If only I could change schools."

"If only I could change jobs."

"If only I were younger."

"If only I were older."

"If only I had more money."

"If only...."

The problem with these "if only" statements is that we are seeking to change people or situations that we often fail to have control over. Like the weather, there are many times we have little or no ability to change the season we find ourselves in the midst of.

Imagine if we changed the above statements to sound like this...

"I will be a better son/daughter."

"I will be a better parent."

"I will be a better spouse."

"I will be a better student."

"I will be a better employee."

"My years of experience have worth."

"My youth gives me the energy to make a difference."

"I may not have much money, but I will use what I have wisely."

God will not always rescue us from difficult seasons of life. But He does call us to use these times to make a difference. Instead of trying to change everything around us, imagine the impact we can have if we change to meet the challenges we face.

This morning I looked out the window and saw that it was wet and cold. So I dressed accordingly and headed out to face the day. Every day we awaken to a new challenge, a new opportunity. Depending on the forecast for the day you are about to embark on, plan for the day, expect unexpected changes, and let God use you to bring some warmth and sunshine to every day, regardless of how dark it may seem around you.

shine!
Jason

Living faith

Some people wonder why serving others is so important. Most of us would agree that it's good to serve other people, but is there more to it than just doing a good deed?

Something happens when we serve. We join God in His mission of restoring Creation. We were designed by God to serve. It is part of who we are.

The ways we serve will look different. Some people love to work with wood and build things. Others enjoying singing. Some find fulfillment in showing hospitality.

God’s call to you is two fold. First, find your passions and use them in service to others. Whatever it is you enjoy doing, seek out ways to use it for the benefit of God and others.

Second, God asks us to be willing to stretch beyond our comfort zone and serve in ways that may not be comfortable for us. We may discover a new way to serve that we really like. And even if we don’t, we learn that life is not always about what we want.

If you are not currently involved in serving others on an ongoing basis, make a commitment today to find a way to serve.

God created you to serve. Through serving we find purpose and fulfillment. We discover the joy that only comes when we put others first and lay down our lives for our friends. Jesus said, "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28) If we are followers of Jesus, shouldn’t we be willing to do the same?

shine!
Jason

Be the change

Today I had the opportunity to take part in my second Challenge Day. If you are not familiar with this organization, check them out at www.challengeday.org.

I arrived at Rochester High School around 7:30am today and left shortly after 3:00pm. I spent most of that time in a gym with two leaders, a few dozen adults, and over one hundred high school students. It was a day of encouragement, sharing, and healing.

One of the mottoes of Challenge Day is "Be the change you want to see." This quote from Gandhi is used to encourage students to consider the environment in their school and step up to make a change.

Today I witnessed students begin to answer that challenge. Lives were changed before my eyes.

For those who feel hopeless for the future, you need to witness a Challenge Day. I was reminded that there is hope, but it must be accompanied by healing. Today's students face more expectations, threats, and stress than any previous generation. For many students, survival is a way of life. With high divorce rates, alcohol and drug use by many parents, disconnected families where each family member retreats to their own room, and drive-by parenting, it is no wonder that students are crying out for help through sexual promiscuity, their own drug and alcohol use, violence, cutting, and a variety of other means.

The challenge isn't just for students. Adults need to be the change they want to see as well. If adults are willing to be transparent and provide a safe place where teens can do the same, we can create an environment where our young people can find healing. It will require sacrifice. We will need to sacrifice some of our time. We will need to reorganize our priorities. It calls us to think about what really matters.

We can't sit on the sidelines and hope for things to change. We need to get in the trenches and be willing to get dirty. Then we can be the change we want to see.

shine!
Jason

The prodigal son

I just finished reading The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. After reflecting on what Nouwen wrote, I am forced to look in the mirror and evaluate my life.

I am self-righteous and self-deprecating.

I often live more for recognition than righteousness.

The praise of men is often more important to me than the praise of God.

I can be more judgmental than compassionate.

How often do we consider what others see and think before thinking about God's take? I know I do at times. I struggle with being true to myself and true to God. I look back on decisions and discussions and wonder who it was really for.

If I am honest, there are many times I want to be right more than I want to be pure or holy. I can worry more about winning an argument than changing a heart. Too often, I focus on proving my point, not providing care.

I am not saying this to beat myself up or put myself down. Rather, it is an honest assessment of who I am on the inside. It is the me that people don't see.

I can be the prodigal son who wanders away from God to please myself, seek my own interests, and do my own thing. But I am also the elder brother at times - proud about my faith and position. I find myself living at the two extremes, missing the center of the mark where the Father dwells.

But that is what is so amazing about grace. It is God, waiting like a patient dad. Waiting and watching. Looking for a glimpse of his son returning home. God never leaves us. He never forsakes us. Even when we run away from home, He watches the horizon for the appearance of a returning child.

I am sinner, but I am forgiven.

These are the words that keep me going. This short phrase enables me get out of the pig slop and head back to the palace. It is the never-ending love of a Father who wants nothing more than to welcome me home, dress me in the finest clothes, and throw a party. It is the ceaseless wonder of a Creator whose only desire is to have an intimate relationship with His creation.

It is in the eyes of this Creator that I find my real calling. Created in the image of God, I am made to be like the Father. I am designed to show His love, His compassion. When I realize my goal is to become like my heavenly Dad, it changes things. No longer do I strive to please an angry, judgmental God who wants to punish every little sin. Rather, I strive to become like the Father who wants nothing more than to embrace me and watch me grow up to be like Him.

This is the man I want to be.

shine!
Jason

10 crazy days

So today my life returns to some semblance of normalcy. The last ten days have been crazy, relaxing, and interesting.

It all started last weekend when a group of ten teenagers, another adult, four children, and I, jumped into two vans and traveled to the middle-of-nowhere in Ohio for a teen retreat. I was the speaker for the weekend and had a great time. While it was a bit stressful to be speaking for God to all of these teens, it was a good retreat. I made some new friends, saw some old friends, and even had a chance to play football again. I was reminded that God can even use a guy in mid-life who has had his share of failures and struggles. I am glad we have a God that doesn't give up on us.

On Monday of last week, my family and I climbed into the Vibe and headed off to northern Michigan. We stayed in Mackinaw City and spent much of our time reading and relaxing. Michelle spent the mornings teaching Matthew and we looked for various activities and adventures in the afternoons and evenings. On one afternoon we visited a museum for Ojibwa history. The Ojibwa are a tribe of Native Americans from that region. As we walked around the museum, I was reminded that white Europeans were not the first ones to reside here. Hundreds, if not thousands, of years before Columbus sailed across the ocean blue, the Ojibwa and other tribes lived here.

It was embarrassing at times to think about how we treated - and continue to treat - those who first lived here. What is most embarrassing is to consider how many Europeans used God to justify their behavior. They would argue that through Manifest Destiny that God gave this land to them. And in the process, they killed and relocated thousands upon thousands of human beings created in the image of God.

It is amazing to me how many times God is used as an excuse for mistreating another group of people. It has been going on for thousands of years. Exhibit A is the Middle East. Different groups have been killing each other for generations because they believe that God meant for their particular group to have that piece of land.

What would happen if we would fight as hard to protect every "temple of the Holy Spirit?" What if, instead of fighting for land, we would fight to save every person, who is created in the image of God? I wonder how often God must look at us in frustration as we mistreat one another while we use His name to justify it.

My vacation ended and I returned home. And as usual, the Rochester Church is a place where my faith is recharged and my hope is renewed. At Mosaic service on Sunday morning, Vicki Lindsey sang "My Redeemer Lives" with the rest of the praise team providing backup vocals. We also had a great lesson from Josh Graves about getting closer to God. And we prayed over Liz Trainor, a young lady who would have been deserted by many churches by now. She is in the midst of a challenging journey. God is working in her life, but it is messy at times. I am proud to be a part of a church that is willing to get messy to serve Jesus.

And so my ten crazy days have come to an end and life is back to normal. But "normal" is crazy, too. It all comes with the package when you sign up to follow Jesus. As Mother Teresa said, "Following Jesus is simple, but it's not easy."

shine!
Jason

Family Time

I have not fallen off the wagon of blogging. I was out of town the end of last week for a teen retreat. This week I am taking some family time and will not be blogging. I will return next week. Watch for something on Monday, October 15. :-)

shine!
Jason

Too bad the rest of the children aren't safe

Yesterday, two young children were rescued, on some level, from a life of insanity. Britney Spears dropped off her two boys, Sean and Jayden, with a bodyguard of her ex-husband, Kevin Federline. I am not sure what kind of future these two boys will face, but at least for now they appear to have been removed from the self-destructive life of their mom.

Before this begins to sounds like a Britney-bashing session, I want to be clear that I feel sorry for her. While she has made many of the decisions that have basically destroyed her life, Britney is also a victim of a culture that uses celebrities and throws them away when they are done with them. (See my other entry about Britney)

While these two boys may have been removed, at some level, from the influence of their mom, thousands of other young people have been significantly impacted by Britney. For years, teenagers, especially girls, have looked to Britney to decide how they dress, how they act, and a variety of other things. While no one celebrity is solely responsible for the way our youth have been impacted by pop culture, Britney is certainly one of the "poster children" for the pop culture that has influenced our young people so much.

What used to be shorter skirts and making out with Madonna several years ago, has evolved into drinking binges, rehab, and poor parenting.

But all of this raises an even more important question. Where are the parents of the teenagers who are being shaped by this?

Not every parent can know what their teenager is doing every minute of every day, but how many parents significantly disengage from their children's lives during adolescence? Teenagers may not want their parents telling them what to do, but most teenagers want their parents to care about what they do.

Do you want to make a difference in the life of your teen? Don't just tell them what they need to do and what they are doing that is wrong. Ask them about their life, then sit and listen. Don't react immediately to what they say. Don't judge what they say. Just listen. Give them permission to be honest, without you lashing back.

I believe that one reason celebrities have so much influence on today's youth is because they seem to understand what teenagers are going through. Their songs reflect what teens are feeling. Their characters often imitate "typical" teen life. Sure, they are often over-the-top, but they are perceived as being understanding and caring.

While we must set boundaries for our youth, at the same time we must be willing to listen to what's going on in their lives. When we are willing to listen without trying to have an answer for everything, they will be more likely to share. When we are willing to listen in order to understand them, not to correct them, they will share more.

Sure, Britney's children might be safer not living under the same roof as their wild mom, but there are plenty of other young people being influenced and shaped every day by Britney, Lindsay, Paris, and a host of others. Are we willing to listen to our youth with an open heart and an open mind so that we can have a deeper, more meaningful dialogue to help them figure out this crazy stage of life called adolescence?

shine!
Jason

The pass

As the word "hike" left my mouth, the ball left the center's hands and floated back to mine. I grabbed the ball as it arrived, and took a step back. I looked around for a receiver who was open. The first look brought nothing. I looked again - and there he was.

I could see Steven going down the right side of the field. There was a defender close behind and another defender coming from the left.

With little time to think, I brought my arm back, and with a quick forward motion, I released the ball.

As the ball left my hand, I watched it spiral across the field. The defenders saw it as well, and started to make their move.

Without slowing down, Steven reached out, and the ball landed in his outstretched hands. Just as he caught the ball, both defenders grabbed the empty space where the ball had been less than a second earlier.

Steven continued running with the ball, and beat all of the pursuing defenders to the goal line. Touchdown!

OK, so maybe I have seen too many sports movies, but this was my perspective on the first offensive play of yesterday's football game at the 180 Family Campfire. As a 37-year-old male, I still have those moments where I wish I could be the quarterback leading his team to victory. Hey, if Brett Favre can still do it at 37, why can't I?

But I'm not Brett Favre. I am not anywhere near a professional quarterback. But I still go out in a field on a Sunday evening and drop back to pass like it's the Super Bowl. I try my best knowing I am not that good, but I am going to try my best none-the-less.

Isn't that really what following Jesus is like? We strive to imitate someone we can never be. But at the same time, we try our best, dreaming of being like Jesus. We make an effort to live into the dream that God has for each of us.

God is our Father, who, like many dads, will cheer on His sons and daughters as they try their best.

Unfortunately for many Christians, they struggle to get in the game - or stay in the game. After a few bad passes, they go to the sideline thinking they will never be good enough. Or maybe they look at life and decide that it's easier to stay on the sidelines.

Just like I know that not every pass will be like the one I described, not every experience of following Jesus is going to go just right. We will make mistakes and be frustrated. We will want to give up. But God is standing there cheering us on as He, by His grace, picks us up and puts us back in the game. And as we listen for the applause of Heaven, we will hear the voice of God, and fight the good fight.

shine!
Jason