The prodigal son

I just finished reading The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. After reflecting on what Nouwen wrote, I am forced to look in the mirror and evaluate my life.

I am self-righteous and self-deprecating.

I often live more for recognition than righteousness.

The praise of men is often more important to me than the praise of God.

I can be more judgmental than compassionate.

How often do we consider what others see and think before thinking about God's take? I know I do at times. I struggle with being true to myself and true to God. I look back on decisions and discussions and wonder who it was really for.

If I am honest, there are many times I want to be right more than I want to be pure or holy. I can worry more about winning an argument than changing a heart. Too often, I focus on proving my point, not providing care.

I am not saying this to beat myself up or put myself down. Rather, it is an honest assessment of who I am on the inside. It is the me that people don't see.

I can be the prodigal son who wanders away from God to please myself, seek my own interests, and do my own thing. But I am also the elder brother at times - proud about my faith and position. I find myself living at the two extremes, missing the center of the mark where the Father dwells.

But that is what is so amazing about grace. It is God, waiting like a patient dad. Waiting and watching. Looking for a glimpse of his son returning home. God never leaves us. He never forsakes us. Even when we run away from home, He watches the horizon for the appearance of a returning child.

I am sinner, but I am forgiven.

These are the words that keep me going. This short phrase enables me get out of the pig slop and head back to the palace. It is the never-ending love of a Father who wants nothing more than to welcome me home, dress me in the finest clothes, and throw a party. It is the ceaseless wonder of a Creator whose only desire is to have an intimate relationship with His creation.

It is in the eyes of this Creator that I find my real calling. Created in the image of God, I am made to be like the Father. I am designed to show His love, His compassion. When I realize my goal is to become like my heavenly Dad, it changes things. No longer do I strive to please an angry, judgmental God who wants to punish every little sin. Rather, I strive to become like the Father who wants nothing more than to embrace me and watch me grow up to be like Him.

This is the man I want to be.

shine!
Jason