Letting go

I begin this post with an apology. An apology to anyone who learning this news here as opposed to from a phone call or face-to-face conversation. I know that the time has come for me to post something, and I have not been able to talk with everyone I would have liked to have spoken with...

We all come to these points in our lives. Crossroads. Times when you face an intersection and you are forced to make decisions. Forced to stop, look, and choose a path. I stand at one of those crossroads today.

If you don't know yet, I left Edward Jones two weeks ago.

At this point, I do not have another job and I am not currently looking for one.

I have been traveling the path leading to this place for a long time, but I have seen the signs along the road for over six months. They started coming into view when my dad passed away last December.

Death does funny things to you, especially the death of your last surviving parent. It causes you to look into the mirror and realize a number of things...

You're next. There is no one older standing between you and death. I am the next in line in the procession towards the end of this life. My grandparents are all gone. My parents are gone. The next person to add a year after the dash is me.

I only have a limited time. We only get one trip and that trip has an ending. We only have so much time to get it right. We only have so many days to be who we were made to be. There are only so many moments to find and embrace a life of significance.

The past is passed. I cannot change what has happened. I can't undo my parents' deaths. I can't bring them back. And more importantly, I can't change my past. I can't reverse my poor decisions, my mistakes, or my wasted time. Once the sun sets on a day, the ink dries and the page turns.

Today is a blank slate. I only have the power to change today. I hold a pen in my hand that allows me to write today's story. As I have said many times, we can't change the past, but we can change the present to make a better future.

So, here I stand today, staring at the blank pages that are the rest of my life. I don't know on what page the story will end, but I know that between now and that last page, I will use the pen of my life to write a different story, a newer, better story.

I am using this time to catch my breath, assess my life up to this point, and decide which turn to make at this crossroads. To some this may seem crazy and irresponsible. Others may wish they could do the same thing. For me, this is the right thing to do. This is my sabbatical, my chance to stop, breath, listen, and then move.

There is so much more to say, and over time I hope to share what I am learning so it might be a blessing to others. But for now, I just wanted to let people know that I am okay. I am at peace with where I am right now.

It is scary? A little.

Am I lost? Kind of, but mostly by choice.

What do I need? Prayer, wisdom, and discernment.

What am I hoping to find? Shalom. A deep contentment that every day I live from this moment forward will be lived with reckless abandon from a place of peace and wholeness.

I acknowledge I am not there yet. That's the point of this journey. Let me end with an analogy...

In the Raiders of the Lost Ark trilogy (I have not seen the more recent one, so I am just talking about the first three movies), Indiana Jones circles the world looking for artifacts that the world see as valuable. He risks life and limb to hold in his hand some of the world's greatest treasures.

But at the end of the final movie, Indy is faced with a reality. A reality that at the end of the day, there are treasures more valuable than any gold. Any material items. Any power to be gained. And it is not until we are willing to let go of those things that we can find true life.

This is my letting go...

shine!

Jason