Masks

When I was a teenager and young adult I used to like wearing a hockey mask and pretending I was Jason Vorhees (from Friday the 13th) for Halloween. Ok, maybe I still have the mask and maybe I still wear it from time to time.

I remember one Halloween in college when I wore it to a party. Everyone kept asking who I was. People would say, "That's Jason." I would chuckle to myself because they thought I was Jason, but they they were referring to a different Jason.

While it may be funny at a Halloween party, wearing masks in real life is no laughing matter. When we wear masks, people may look at us and say, "That's Mike," or, "That's Amy," but they don't know the person behind the mask.

We like masks. They make it easier for us to hide things. Fear. Pain. Ambition. When we wear our masks people see us for who we want them to see us as, not who we really are. They allow us to create an identity that we can mold and shape.

But masks come with a price...

Masks make it difficult to breathe. Physical masks often only offer a small hole to breathe through, and the masks we wear in our lives can be suffocating emotional, relationally, and spiritually.

Masks make it difficult to heal. While physical mask can create an environment where wounds could have a more difficult time healing, the masks we wear in our lives can hinder us from finding the healing we may desparately need.

Masks make it difficult to be authentic. Physical masks can allow us to hide our feelings and portray ourselves with whatever expression is on our mask, and the masks we wear in our lives allow us to avoid authenticity and display whatever expressions we want.

Masks are easier, in the short term. We can avoid things we don't want to deal with and create the illusion of a world that is different than reality.

But eventually, masks wear out, they begin to crack. Then we scramble to repaint the mask, repair the cracks. Or maybe we even put on a different mask over the one we already have on.

That's when masks really take their toll. They become harder to maintain and add to the stress and pain we are already trying to hide.

We need to take off our masks. We need to let the world see the real us, scars, imperfections, and all. And, let's be honest, we need to become people who accept others when they take off their masks as well.

That's one of the biggest problems with masks. When we're wearing a mask, we love to point out someone else who isn't. We find some kind of satisfaction in pointing out someone else's flaws while continuing to hide our own. I think Jesus said it this way...

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-5 NLT)

So let's all agree to something. Let's all agree to work on the hard task of taking off our masks. For some, you are already well on the journey. For others, you may not even realize you're wearing a mask. Most of us, if we're honest, know we're somewhere in between and still have a lot of work to do.

shine!

Jason

What will you write?

Have you ever watched a movie and yelled at a character as they did something or went somewhere they shouldn't? Then in the next moment the bad thing happens to them and inside you're thinking, see, I told you.

That can be entertaining in a room full of people at a movie theater when everyone is yelling at the screen, but it's not so entertaining when it's your story...

This morning I went for a walk. It's the first time I walked from my house to the intersection down the street since April 17, 1999. That was the day after my mom was killed at the intersection and the day I walked to that corner and had one of the most brutal, honest conversations I have ever had with God.

Today, as I walked past that intersection, I stepped into the middle of the quiet street, and stood at the location where my mom was likely hit by the car that ran the stop sign. As I stood I there, I had a moment like watching a movie. If I was watching, what would I have yelled at the screen? Mom, don't drive that way. Slow down a little. Look to your left.

Why did that happen? That's not fair.

That's life.

As the sun sets on our day, the ink dries. The story has been written. We can watch it a hundred times and it's won't change a thing. We can't undo that decision. We can't unsay those words. We can't unsend that text. We can't relive that moment.

And yes, it is true that sometimes people step into our lives and add a plot twist that is unforseen. Things happen to us that are beyond our control and unavoidable. But those things are not the main character in our lives. We are.

Every morning we arise to a new day with a blank page. Yes, the pages before have been written and there is nothing we can do to change them. But we have the ability, with the pen of our lives in our hand, to write a new chapter, add a plot twist, or come up with an alternate ending.

Our story to this point has already been written. We can't change it, but we can learn from it. We can't erase our mistakes, but we can strive to not repeat them. We can't dwell on our victories, but we can remember how we achieved them. Our hurts, joys, pains, and celebrations are the ink that fills the pages behind us.

Don't let the ink of the past trap you from writing a better future. Don't let the victories of the past keep you from striving for better adventures ahead of you. We only have one life, we only have one pen, and each day we only have one blank page before us.

What will you write today?

shine!

Jason

Letting go

I begin this post with an apology. An apology to anyone who learning this news here as opposed to from a phone call or face-to-face conversation. I know that the time has come for me to post something, and I have not been able to talk with everyone I would have liked to have spoken with...

We all come to these points in our lives. Crossroads. Times when you face an intersection and you are forced to make decisions. Forced to stop, look, and choose a path. I stand at one of those crossroads today.

If you don't know yet, I left Edward Jones two weeks ago.

At this point, I do not have another job and I am not currently looking for one.

I have been traveling the path leading to this place for a long time, but I have seen the signs along the road for over six months. They started coming into view when my dad passed away last December.

Death does funny things to you, especially the death of your last surviving parent. It causes you to look into the mirror and realize a number of things...

You're next. There is no one older standing between you and death. I am the next in line in the procession towards the end of this life. My grandparents are all gone. My parents are gone. The next person to add a year after the dash is me.

I only have a limited time. We only get one trip and that trip has an ending. We only have so much time to get it right. We only have so many days to be who we were made to be. There are only so many moments to find and embrace a life of significance.

The past is passed. I cannot change what has happened. I can't undo my parents' deaths. I can't bring them back. And more importantly, I can't change my past. I can't reverse my poor decisions, my mistakes, or my wasted time. Once the sun sets on a day, the ink dries and the page turns.

Today is a blank slate. I only have the power to change today. I hold a pen in my hand that allows me to write today's story. As I have said many times, we can't change the past, but we can change the present to make a better future.

So, here I stand today, staring at the blank pages that are the rest of my life. I don't know on what page the story will end, but I know that between now and that last page, I will use the pen of my life to write a different story, a newer, better story.

I am using this time to catch my breath, assess my life up to this point, and decide which turn to make at this crossroads. To some this may seem crazy and irresponsible. Others may wish they could do the same thing. For me, this is the right thing to do. This is my sabbatical, my chance to stop, breath, listen, and then move.

There is so much more to say, and over time I hope to share what I am learning so it might be a blessing to others. But for now, I just wanted to let people know that I am okay. I am at peace with where I am right now.

It is scary? A little.

Am I lost? Kind of, but mostly by choice.

What do I need? Prayer, wisdom, and discernment.

What am I hoping to find? Shalom. A deep contentment that every day I live from this moment forward will be lived with reckless abandon from a place of peace and wholeness.

I acknowledge I am not there yet. That's the point of this journey. Let me end with an analogy...

In the Raiders of the Lost Ark trilogy (I have not seen the more recent one, so I am just talking about the first three movies), Indiana Jones circles the world looking for artifacts that the world see as valuable. He risks life and limb to hold in his hand some of the world's greatest treasures.

But at the end of the final movie, Indy is faced with a reality. A reality that at the end of the day, there are treasures more valuable than any gold. Any material items. Any power to be gained. And it is not until we are willing to let go of those things that we can find true life.

This is my letting go...

shine!

Jason