Back where I belong

Last Sunday, June 26, we announced that I was returning to my role as Minister for Families with Youth at Rochester Church. Below is what I shared with the parents and students that morning...

Let me begin by extending a thank you to this church and to our elders. Thank you for your ongoing support. Thank you for the opportunity to explore a different role here at Rochester Church. And, thank you for allowing and affirming my return to the role that I believe God has designed me for.

So how did we get here today? Let me start near the end of the story.

Four weeks ago today, Michelle and I were in this very room setting up tables and chairs for the annual Backyard BBQ. As many of you know, that became a basement BBQ because of the rain that had fallen and the threat of storms.

How many of you have seen the movie The Sixth Sense? If you haven’t, I apologize because I am about to ruin the ending.

Anyway, in the midst of setting up chairs, I had a moment very similar to the one Bruce Willis’ character experienced at the end of that movie. I froze, looked at my wife, and said, “What are we doing? Why are we walking away from THIS?”

At that moment, so many situations from the last nine months flashed before my eyes. I thought of times of excitement like Winterfest, Illuminate, and 30 Hour Famine. I remembered one-on-one conversations with students. It was much like Bruce Willis’ character when he realizes he has been dead the whole movie. Suddenly, a bunch of otherwise random moments of joy, frustration, and depression all fit together.

That started a week of prayer and discernment. I contacted several close friends in ministry and asked for their wisdom and guidance. I asked them to pray for me. I asked them to ask me all of the tough questions. I asked them to join with me in sorting through what I was thinking and feeling.

One of the most interesting conversations was with David Rubio. David is the youth minister at Otter Creek Church where Josh Graves now ministers. About two years ago, David began a transition at Otter Creek where he was going to move from youth ministry into working with pastoral care and small groups as Josh came on board to oversee preaching and teaching.

Just short of a year into the transition, the search team at Otter Creek had narrowed their search down to two candidates for the youth ministry position, and they were about to bring these two in for on-site interviews.

Just days before they bought tickets to fly these two people in, David had a moment where it “hit him” that he was moving away from the ministry he was most passionate about and most gifted to serve in. He approached his leadership and asked if he could return to his old position. After a brief period of prayer and discernment, David returned to his role in the youth ministry, where he has been serving for the last year. He told me it has become clear to him that he made the right decision and God has affirmed that.

While I realize this is a different church and I am not David, it was eerie to me how similar our stories were. If nothing else, my conversation with him helped me see that I was not completely crazy (or that at least one other person was a crazy as me).

It was also during that week that spent some time with God in my backyard. Don’t picture some quiet, serene scene with me sitting under a tree. No. I was mowing my yard. Mowing is a spiritual event for me. I typically put in my earbuds and pull up my Chris Tomlin music while I mow. Normally, I sing along as I mow (much to the chagrin of my neighbors who might be listening). However, this time I took a slightly different approach. I decided to simply listen. Listen to the music. And listen for God’s voice. What was it that I needed to hear in this time of prayer and discernment?

What I heard over the next hour and a half was very clear to me. I kept hearing this voice saying to me, “You’re a youth pastor. You’re a youth pastor.” This was yet another confirmation for me.

In addition to my conversation with David and my lawn mowing experience, I talked with ministers, missionaries, friends, and spiritual mentors. They did ask me tough questions. They challenged me with their comments and inquiries. But, after talking with them, each of them affirmed (either at the end of our discussion or later), that they sensed this was the right decision.

It was at the end of that week that I called Jim Randolph. Michelle and I went to his house on Saturday afternoon and spent several hours talking with Jim. He asked some of the same questions I had heard throughout the week. He listened to our hearts. We talked at some length about why Michelle and I felt this was where we should serve.

That Wednesday evening, I met with the eldership and again shared much of what I have shared with you this morning. They also asked some of the same questions. They also listened. They were both loving and diligent in our conversation and I appreciate and love every one of them for their love for me, my family, and this church.

Over the next week and half, they continued to engage in prayer, discernment, and discussion. Last weekend, we gathered together and they affirmed my return to the role that I know that God has called me to.

I stand before you today having experienced some of the same frustrations and disappointments that many of your have experienced. As a matter of fact, it was just a few months ago that I sat in this room on a Wednesday night and shared with the teens here that night that I felt I had let them down. I wasn’t as present with them as I wished I could have been during the season following Nancy Milligan and Jeremy King’s deaths. In spite of the many events we continued to offer, I know that they sensed I had divided attention. That has weighed on my heart for some time and I look forward to a renewed season of attention completed devoted to students and their families.

I realize that this transition raises questions, and while I can’t anticipate every question, I want to answer a few questions that seem to have come up a number of times in the last month.

What about your passion for the other job?

This is a very fair and good question, and it’s one I myself have wrestled with over the last month. I think there are a few things related to answering this question. The first one is that I firmly believe that the things that are a part of that role are important to me. I am a huge proponent of small groups. I feel that good pastoral care is important for every family in this church. I believe that it is crucial for us to get new members connected. I believe in the LifeStage model and desire that every LifeStage ministers to and equips its families. These things are not any less important to me than they were a few months ago.

We have made a lot of headway in these areas. Mike Thomas and I have been working together to reinvigorate our LifeGroups and things are moving towards a Fall launch. Ramie Robinson and I have been working to refine our Pastoral Care Ministry and we are in the process of adding some additional aspects of pastoral care for families in crisis. We have been seeking and developing new methods for improving the way we connect our new members. The full-time and part-time staff members anchoring each LifeStage have been working together to improve interaction between LifeStages.

For me, the issue is not that I don’t think those things are important. As a matter of fact, we have accomplished a lot while still providing a significant, albeit reduced level of ministry for our families with youth.

What has become abundantly clear to me over the last month or so is that my deepest, most significant passion is still ministering with and to families with youth. I love students. I love their parents. And I love watching families connect, grow, and serve. As a matter of fact, most of the highlights of the last year for me have been moments spent with students and their families.

Are there any other underlying reasons?

Another fair question. We have been through a lot of changes over the last nine months. We stood with a family who lost a wife and mother after years of fighting cancer. We experienced the untimely and tragic death of a staff member. We walked with a family through the death of their young child. We are in the midst of a staff change as Patrick moves to Colorado and Adam begins his season as Minister of the Word here at Rochester Church.

If anything, I believe these events and changes clouded my ability to listen to God about my role here at Rochester Church and my passion in ministry. I love this church family and one of the reasons I began this transition into this other role was because I sensed there was a void in some areas at a congregational level. The leadership team and I felt that I had the gifts and abilities to help fill much of that void. I chose to accept this new role because I wanted to do what I felt was in the best interest of this church.

What I discovered as I began to move into this new role is that while I might have the gifts and abilities to accomplish the tasks before me, I was serving outside of my core passion. One of the things I missed the most was being involved in people’s lives. I found myself spending more time in the office and less time with people. As matter of fact, to be completely transparent with you, I considered an opportunity at another church several months ago. Looking back, I am convinced the main reason I even considered that opportunity was because some of my core passions for ministry were feeling neglected.

As we are moving into a new season of ministry as church, I am confident that God has provided – and will provide – the right people to help serve this church family in the years ahead. I look forward to being a part of that team for many years in my role as Minister for Families with Youth. I have made a commitment to our leadership, and I make a commitment to you, that I will be serving the families with youth in this congregation for many years.

While I have already shared with you many of the lessons I have learned over the last year, let me share with you a few key things I am taking away from this experience.

Listen to my wife

From the beginning of my transition last Fall, Michelle has always felt uneasy about my moving away from ministering to families with youth. She was always supportive, but at the same time, she would question the transition from time to time when we had conversations about my change in roles. I did not listen to my wife enough. She has been a quiet voice all along asking me to think about the change. Instead, as a somewhat (ok, very) stubborn man, I plunged into this transition without listening to her voice of wisdom. As most of you know, Michelle is one of the most loving people on the planet and she has a heart for people and ministry. I should have been quicker to listen to her and her heart.

Live into your calling

There is something to be said about doing what you love. Now, I realize that sometimes out of necessity, we must do something to earn a living that we may not love. However, I am blessed to have an opportunity to do what I love. Other than being a husband and a father, there is nothing in this world I am more passionate about than teenagers and their families. For the last dozen years, I have walked along teenagers in the midst of tragedy and sorrow. I have rejoiced with teenagers as they experience moments of celebration and success. I have listen to teenagers pour out their hearts, their pains, and their dreams. I have sat in hospital waiting rooms with parents who children are sick and suffering. I have walked the streets of places all over the world, including Rio and Cincinnati, walking alongside students and parents alike as we serve together.

For some reason, along the way, I lost sight of what God called me to be. Outside of my family, you are the people about whom I am most passionate. I sometimes stay awake at night reflecting on a text message received at 11pm. There are mornings I wake up with expectation to head off to coffee with one of your children. I find some of my greatest joy in watching teenagers love on a child in inner-city Cincinnati or have an “a-ha” moment in the middle of a Bible class.

Some have asked, are you really back? How long do you think you’ll do this? My answer is, yes, and for a long time. I thank you for your patience with me for getting a little distracted along the way. But I also ask for your help and prayers as we move forward. Today is the beginning of a new season. A chance to both restore what we have had in the past and reach for even more. We are partners in this journey and I realize that I have not been the partner you have needed. I am pledging to you that I am excited about this new chapter that lies before us and I look forward to working with you as we all seek to connect, grow, and serve as citizens of the Kingdom of God.

shine!
Jason