I have a fear of heights...a HUGE fear of heights. When we have gone on mission trips to Mississippi, I haven't even been able to do much work on the roof of a one-story house because I freeze up. I know I am a wimp when it comes to heights.
For ten years, the Millennium Force has taunted me. I have been there with family and they have chuckled at my fear. I have gone with youth groups and they have laughed and called me chicken. Regardless of the abuse I received, I have allowed my fear to remain stronger that anything people might say to me.
So what - or who - would finally push me beyond my fears? A nine-year-old boy. Specifically, a boy named Matthew who happens to share my last name.
Yesterday, Michelle, Matthew, and I went to Cedar Point. We rode a number of rides, but the Millennium Force was not on the list for a while. Then, as afternoon turned to evening, and the sun began to set, Matthew said the words that would force my hand. "I want to ride THAT!"
The lump formed in my throat. My heart skipped a beat. I was going to have to face the monster. I could resist others in my family who chuckled at my fear. I could ignore the laughs of teenagers. But, when my own son, my own nine-year-old son, wants to ride, I couldn't say no.
We got in line around 8:30pm. The sign said 1-3/4 hour from this point. Well, nothing like having time to think about what you're about to do. We wait and work our way through the line, starting up conversations with those around us. We got to know a really nice couple from Michigan who have a 22-year-old son in the Marines who will be deployed to Afghanistan later this year.
The conversations were a nice distraction from my fears. I was able to forget about what I was about to do. There were a few exceptions. The first was about 40 minutes into the wait when I realized there weren't any trains coming by us. The ride was stopped. But why?
We found out that a train had gotten stuck near the top of the first hill. Gulp! Wait! What am I doing?? Then I looked down at my son, who was undaunted by the news, and realized there was no turning back. Especially when he said, with determination, "I'm not leaving until I ride this."
Once the ride starting running again, the conversation resumed with our new friends and my fears faded. Until we started up the final ramp to the platform. As we entered the platform area, my fears resumed at a new level. I started asking myself, "What are you doing? Are you crazy?!?" My heart was pounding. My palms were sweaty.
We chose our line and there were three people in front of us. Good. I had a few minutes to prepare myself. The first two riders got on and their train left. I still had a few minutes to get ready. Then, another curve ball. The single rider in front of us jumped in with another single rider one car back and we were on now. What? Wait! I'm not ready yet. I thought I had a few minutes to prepare myself. But, suddenly, I found myself sitting in the car and strapping myself in.
As we are sitting there waiting, the lap bar releases. Um, hello, isn't that supposed to hold us in? The ride operator comes over the PA system. "Don't worry, we made it do that." Oh, now I feel better. (Insert sarcasm here.)
Finally, we are ready to go. The train goes forward and starts up the hill. In what seems like 2 seconds we are at the top of the hill. Way up there at the top of the hill. In this moment, I have a realization. There is nothing I can do about this. I am strapped into a chair 310 feet above the ground. I am about to drop at an 80 degree angle at speeds up to 93 miles per hour.
It is in this moment that I decide to let go and enjoy the ride. As we go over the top of the hill, I throw my arms up into the air and decide to confront my fear and engage the moment. My arms didn't come down until we pulled into the station. What an awesome ride!
As I look back on this experience, I come away with a few reflections...
Some fears are totally unfounded. While a fear of heights is not always bad, there are times that our fears can prevent us from enjoying life to the fullest.
I have a new appreciation for Christians who are afraid to fully embrace the call of Jesus to pick up their cross and follow Him. Picking up our cross can be a scary proposition.
At the same time, it gives me even more passion about calling people to conquer their fears, throw their arms up in the air, and enjoy the ride. John wrote that, "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love." (1 John 4:18)
The more we understand the true implications of God's love for us, our fear subsides. One of the things that removed some of my fear on this roller coaster was the realization that hundreds of thousands of people have ridden this ride and survived. They have enjoyed the ride and been secure. While following Jesus is not always safe in the worldly sense, we are secure. God's love will never leave us and never forsake us. Regardless of what twists and turns we experience in life, God will always be there to embrace us.
Jesus said that, "My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." (John 10:10) I firmly believe that a lot of people turn to other things in life for satisfaction because they have not fully embraced the adventure of following Jesus. For many people, Christianity is primarily about rules and regulations and sitting in a building every week to listen to someone speak and sing a few songs. The rich and satisfying life is so much more and calls us to conquer our fears and follow Him.
This will look different for each person. It could mean overcoming our pride and serving others who may "damage" our reputation. It could mean facing our selfishness and giving away that which defines and consumes us. It could mean opening ourselves up to others and engaging in deep relationships we have avoided because we have been hurt before.
Regardless of what your "Millennium Force" is, God is calling you to conquer that fear and discover the rich and satisfying life He has for us. I know that the next time I am back at Cedar Point, I will be in line to ride again. Sure, I will still be a little nervous, but I am looking forward to going over that first hill and enjoying the ride.
shine!
Jason
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