Where is God?

I'm not going to share all the details, but I received a lengthy email from a student last week. After sharing some struggles and frustrations, this was the end of the email:

but jason... does prayer really work? is god really there? does he care that i am hurting?

After reflecting on the questions, I tried to answer the questions as well as I could. I am sure my answers are not complete, but I wanted to share what I said, because I have received similar questions from other students as well. (NOTE: I have permission from the student to post the questions and my response.) Here is what I said...

You asked some really challenging and important questions in your email the other day. I don't have all of the answers, but I will do my best to help you with them.

God absolutely cares that you are hurting. I believe it hurts him to see you in pain. He created you. He knows you. He loves you.

One of the biggest struggles in life to try to understand how God can love us, yet all of these bad things happen to us. As I work with so many teenagers (and adults) who struggle with addictions, pain, anger, and many other emotions and challenges, I ask the same questions you do sometimes.

One of the things I have come to realize is that God's primary objective is not to take everyone's pain away. Now that may seem weird to think that He loves us and doesn't want to make the world perfect for us. But here is what I believe is one of the core issues at hand.

God created each of us, all humans, with the ability to make choices. God wanted people to love Him not because they were forced or programmed to, but because they honestly wanted to. So you, me, and everyone else has the freedom to choose to love God or not. That also means we have the freedom to choose how we treat other human beings as well.

Let me change directions for a minute and talk about sin. (This is related to what I said above, but goes in a little different direction.) I think a lot of people have a misconception of sin. They think it's some list of fun things that God doesn't want us to do. I think that is far from the truth. Sure, a lot of times sin is fun. But it's often fun because it is the shortcut to something even better - true joy.

Sin is when we function in a way that is different than the way God intended for us to function. I'll give an example that is very practical.

A lot of people ask me what's so bad about premarital sex. They love each other and they want to express it that way. They wonder why God wants to deprive them of that. Fair question.

The more that people study the physical side of sex, I believe that God's answer makes more and more sense. When you have sex with someone it releases a chemical that creates a strong emotional bond with that person in your brain. So when God talks about two becoming one, it's not just a physical thing; it's so much more.

God designed sex to be more than just something that feels good. It is a vital part of our design that emotionally connects us to the one person we are married to. It it intended to strengthen the bonds of marriage.

But when people have sexual partners before marriage, it actually weakens the bond. Something that God created to keep families together, when used improperly, actually creates a scenario where families are even less likely to stay together. It is meant to be something we share with one person we have already committed to in marriage.

I hope that makes sense and gives you an idea of what I mean.

So back to your questions about your hurt, prayer, and God's presence. Yes, God desperately wants you to not hurt. But you are in a world where people around you have the freedom to choose. That means they can choose to hurt you. They can hurt you physically and emotionally. And I sense that is exactly what has happened to you. I know you likely feel alone. You feel like no one cares. You even wonder where God is. You are not alone. Read the words of David, a man who was called "a man after God's own heart."

Psalm 13
For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

3 Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
4 Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have
defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
6 I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.

David was hurting. He felt deserted by God. But he also realized that God's presence did not change because of His feelings. His feelings were real and significant, but God was still present.

Yes, prayer really works. But, prayer is not just asking God for what we want. Because of the freedom He has given us, He can't just control every person and situation around us. But I do believe He is at work among us. (Maybe this email is an answer to your prayer.)

God is not just a genie and prayer is not just a wish list. Yes, God wants us to ask Him and seek Him, but He will not always answer the way we want Him to. He works in strange and mysterious ways at times.

And here is the really hard thing I have come to learn over time. Prayer is not primarily about us changing God's mind. It's about God changing us. When we approach prayer not as a Christmas list of what we want, but as an honest dialogue with God, we will often be changed.

Prayer can be a time to cry out to God. To tell him our hurts. To share our shame. To scream out in pain. We can even share our doubts and our fears. Think about the Psalm you just read. Here is David, a "hero" of the Old Testament, asking God, "How long will you forget me?"

God is big enough to handle our doubts, anger, and fears. He wants us to be honest with Him. He wants us to reveal our true emotions and pour out our heart to Him.

I don't know if this helps or answers any of your questions, but it is some of what I have learned on my journey so far.

I know you are hurting and feel alone in this. You aren't. God is with you, even when it feels like He's not. Embrace Him. Continue talking to Him. And know that He is seeking ways to help you.

shine!
Jason